


expendable

by orphan_account



Series: season 11 coda [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x10 coda, Angst, Casifer, Episode: s11e10 The Devil Is In The Details, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Possessed Castiel, Season/Series 11, i just have a lot of feelings, maybe i'll write more later, this is really short but i needed to write something as soon as possible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:20:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5778292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"For a while it's like all his senses are dulled. It feels like he's under water. His hearing muffled, his vision blurry, his limbs heavy. </p>
<p>Then there's this presence."</p>
            </blockquote>





	expendable

For a while it's like all his senses are dulled. It feels like he's under water. His hearing muffled, his vision blurry, his limbs heavy.

Then there's this _presence_. Another being in his body and mind. It feels suffocatingly crammed. Like they shouldn't both fit in his battered body, yet somehow they do and it's so uncomfortable, that it's verging on painful. His thoughts are chaotic, it's so hard to focus on anything for more than a second. He's aware of his body moving, but he doesn't really feel it. Chaos is all there is. Chaos and _presence_.

Then he sees his face. Dean. Everything becomes crystal clear again, but he can't move, he can't do anything. He's out of control.

“You alright?”

He aches to say 'no'. He wants to scream, to beg for help, but he feels his lips moving on their own accord. Or rather on someone else's accord. Only now the weight of his decision downs on him fully. He's really done it. He said yes to Lucifer. He's let him out of the Cage. _Dear God, Castiel, what have you done?!_

“I think so,” his mouth says, and smiles a tiny bit. “I will be.”

He has to admit, it does sound like him.

Of course he knows why he said yes. The main reason being to save the world. And Dean. And Sam. The fact that for a long time he's felt completely and utterly useless and _expendable_ just added fuel to the fire. Having it explicitly confirmed _twice_ today didn't exactly help either. And Lucifer said that he can beat the Darkness. So Cas would finally be of _some_ use. But still letting the Devil out... Oh, he'll just add it to the endless list of things to feel guilty about. At least he saved them. Dean and Sam. And maybe the world as well?

“Want me to give you a lift?”

Dean. He focuses on him again. _Dean._

“ _You really are a peculiar thing, brother,”_ he _feels_ more than hears Lucifer's voice in his mind. _“Why do you care for this human so much? Why do you_ love _him?_ How _can you love him? We weren't meant to do that, you know.”_

“ _It's Dean,”_ is all he can say to that. Is all that needs to be said.

“No, you two go on ahead. I'll catch up,” he hears his own voice again.

“ _It's actually sad, you know? You care so much and he? All he cares about is Sam.”_

“ _I'm so sorry, Dean,”_ he shouts, but his lips just won't move. He sees Dean turn back towards the car. He sees him walk away and pretends it doesn't hurt.

The worst thing is, Dean doesn't even pay enough attention to notice Castiel is not himself anymore.

“ _I'm sorry.”_

The world goes black again and the last thing he hears is Lucifer's laughter.


End file.
